I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
