wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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