at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
