They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
