apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
