dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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