Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
