so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize