look no pants
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fuck appropriateness.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
