Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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