I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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