You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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