I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
