so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
