I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
