So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
