So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
