Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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