There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
