you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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