i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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