I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
