Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize