i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
