So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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