Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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