Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
