You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
