Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
