I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize