Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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