what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
