I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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