it hurts more in the daytime
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
