Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
