is your mom at the bar?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
