i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
