I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
