Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
