I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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