We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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