They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
