Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
