Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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