It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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