I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
