After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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