She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
