I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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