In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you guys were way drunker than both of me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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