She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
