Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize