Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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