I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize