Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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