How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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