You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize