hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You pole danced in your parka.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
