Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
