i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
