He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
