When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I sprained my soul last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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