This is the prime rib incident all over again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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