i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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